Is Self-Sacrifice and Stoicism Holding You Back? Enough Already!


by Certified Coach Alissa Gauger, MBA

“You get what you tolerate,” booms coach, philanthropist and author Tony Robbins in his familiar gravelly voice to an auditorium full of thousands of people at a seminar called “Date with Destiny” filmed for a documentary called I Am Not Your Guru now on Netflix.

Robbins tolerated a lot while he was growing up and, as a child, he had no choice. At an early age his father left and Robbins served as a caregiver for his two siblings and mother. His mother was addicted to prescription drugs and alcohol and had very few resources. At times, the family struggled to have food on the table. At age 17 his mother chased him out of the house holding a knife and Robbins never went back. Today, he has found a way to be see this upbringing as what helped shape who he became.

In the documentary, he describes himself today as, “obsessed with relieving pain and reducing suffering in others.” He is now internationally known and highly regarded as a best-selling author and source of inspiration for millions of people to overcome their own pain and struggles. He shares in the film that it was his own painful journey (there and back) that drives him to help others. His talks, immersion seminars, books and coaching give others hope and perspective.

What can you take from Robbins that can help you in your financial practice? How about: what are you TOLERATING right now that does not serve you? If you give yourself permission to stop tolerating people, situations, and circumstances that do not serve you what would you change right now?

Do you: -Work with clients who are unappreciative, unresponsive, rude and even disrespectful? -Fail to set boundaries and expectations and just get what you get? -Accept less from yourself than what you are capable of doing in your practice? -Force yourself to do things that go against who you are and the way you like to do things? -Tolerate poor performance from others? -Allow people to mistreat you? -Let yourself stop taking care of yourself (exercise, nutrition, rest, etc.)? -Work way, way too many hours all the time? -Maintain the status quo in your life and the lives of your clients because asking for more would make you uncomfortable? -Criticize and belittle yourself? -Set your goals too high and/or not celebrate when you DO achieve your high goals?

What else? Write it down. This is important!

Now, what will you STOP TOLERATING TODAY? Write it down. Tell someone. Start now.

You have well-formed ruts in your brain that you drive down daily. To change your patterns and their painful outcomes you will need to grip the wheel and hang on because it’s worth it. When you stop tolerating what you’ve been putting up with it may be bumpy at first. My hunch is that it may be the only way to create the life and practice you want and deserve.

Coaching Tip Pick one small thing right now that you will no longer tolerate and try it. By starting with something lower risk and getting a small win, you will prove that no longer tolerating things will not kill you! You will find the change process far more comfortable if you are willing to make small, incremental steps in the direction of a life that you no longer need to put up with, stomach or tolerate. You are worth it. Go get it!